| It's been over six months since I've ever added anything here. I decided to stop because in light of a new year in VSU, I thought it was going to be a turning point in my life. In some ways it was for the better, but I never expected so many disappointments on the road.
These past few months since September have been different from previous years in my life because I've finally found someone in my life who I truly love and cherish. Even though we have had our highs and lows, the moments that we've been able to be together have been well worth it. I've never been a relationship this long before which is a new step in my life. I've grown and learned a lot from my mistakes.
I decided to write today because I've had too many thoughts running in and out of my mind the past few weeks, primarily due to VSU, work, and academics; the three components that take up most of my time. My mind has been in a mess this quarter and I don't know how to organize it other then begin writing things down. I've decided to prioritize myself this year instead of VSU and even though in some eyes that may be right or selfish in others, I have mixed feelings about the decision I made. I came into VSU my freshman year very naive with passion and the yearn to learn. The people I met and friendships I built kept me in the organization and my committements kept me busy. When I ran for Black April/Tet Festival Coordinator off the advice of my friend James, I did it in one sense because I was inspired by VSU's Black April Commemoration and my pride of Vietnamese history, but in another sense I did it because I wanted to make my friend James proud. James is someone I highly admired in VSU for his talents and guidance. I have never met anyone who was just so damn talented. He was always there for me with wise advice in my hardest times during my first two years in college. Despite my good experiences my first and second year, the people that I grew to admire most in VSU eventually graduated and moved on. I guess I was never prepared to have them all leave at once: James, Kim Le, Vu Dinh, Thao, Andrian, Jackie, Caroline, Victor, etc..(sorry if I missed anyone). Even so I tried to move on. I tried to recreate what they provided me with the people in my class: Vietnam, Sotheary, Matt, Tutram, David Kincaide, PT (sorry if I missed anyone else). I guess I was disillusioned to believe that we would all stick together until the end but the reality was that I was alone. In a way I resented the older people who left VSU all at once leaving behind a staff that was disconnected and leadership that was unexperienced. The bond I felt my first two years was gone but I had hope. I hoped that the new generation would bring the same but that generation decided to move on from VSU and I respect that, but at the same time I was disappointed and alone again. As President of VSU this year, I've felt lonely in my pursuit to create what I came into. I am disappointed in myself for not having had the strength to do so and disappointed in others around me who don't understand where I am coming from oftentimes. I've sacrificed so much for VSU my first three years and even though I've decided this year not to prioritize over everything else in my life, I blame myself for not having done so because I have not been able to put myself into VSU. Maybe if I did, things would have been the way I wanted them to be. I feel like nobody understands what VSU is anymore. Perhaps it's me that doesn't.
It was with VSU people that I was able to open up and be myself. It was a safe space where no one judged me on the dance floor or made me feel uncomfortable for being different. I appreciated the people in VSU because they made me feel accepted and at home. It was my home away from home and that is why I stook around. Although VSU continues to accomplish a lot of good work, I got involved because I felt accepted by my peers; by my community. That was all that really mattered to me about VSU. It was created to bring people together, to be a community, to be a family. The programs and projects only came afterwards. You don't build a community from programs. You have to establish that community first. People in VSU today have lost sight of that. Many come in for the work, (which is commendable), rather than the people. I have no problem with that but when the majority is like that, then who is left to care about the people, about the community, about the family? Without the people, what work can be done?
Remember that VSU is a student organization. As an organization we do have a reputation to maintain with a level of professionalism, but people need to not lose sight that WE ARE STUDENTS. Within the web of bureaucracy at UCLA, we have been entangled in it and developed the desire to become efficient, legitimate, and professional. I agree with the new philosophy to some degree but I've observed that we as students have taken this to the level that of administration if not beyond. To quote my good friend Duy, "Keep it real."
All I have to say for tonight.
Next topic: People complain about support? Where is mine? |
